The RNC doesn’t so much try and get donations from Republicans and conservatives as it does try to bash them over the head with guilt I received a note a few weeks ago asking if I’d given up on Republican values. Then this week, I received an orange envelope with the words “past due on it” and a demand for money inside. (Because we all know that the best thing people can associate the GOP with is angry bill collectors.)
Anyway I decided to compose a response to this Past Due Notice:
To: The Republication National Committee
To whom it may concern:
I received your past due notice. I must confess that I’m unaware of ever having obligated myself to anything other than a one time donation. However, I will assume that in the fine print of some correspondence I did obligate myself to you.
Unfortunately, I feel I have every right not to pay. I ordered some items and unfortunately, your shipping department sent me the wrong items.
For example, I ordered serious solutions to our fiscal crisis. Instead you’ve sent bandaids and grandstanding plus an ever increasing national debt.
I ordered competent leadership that would challenge President Obama on the issues, and you delivered John Boehner who has only challenged the President’s golf score.
I ordered support for traditional values, and you’ve delivered silence and cowardice in the face of the assault on traditional marriage.
I ordered a fair and honest primary contest for the Republican nomination and you delivered a process that allowed Arizona and Florida to hold winner take-all primaries in February in contravention of primary rules and announced that you would not allowed Texas to hold a winner take all primary in May as it would hurt Governor Romney.
I ordered a responsive government and the Senate shipped an Internet sales tax that people do not want.
I ordered support for the rule of law and somehow many Republicans in the Senate got this totally wrong and delivered amnesty.
Please send the appropriate items and I’ll be happy to remit a payment. Until then I will send money to those organizations and individuals that seek to deliver what they promise.
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