Thing 1 and Thing 2
Here Are Your New Parents, Courtesy of the Obama Administration

Leave it to the Obama administration to begin the final destruction of the English language.  The State Department just announced that starting next month passports for children will no longer ask for the name of the mother and father. No, the form wants the name of “parent one” and “parent two”.  It is got to be gender neutral just to be fair to all those non-gendered parents.

The Dr Seuss creation Cat in the Hat pulled out of his box two less mischievous, but two indistinguishable little brats called “Thing One” and “Thing Two”.  Coincidentally, these two genderless creatures also took on a mission to utterly destroy the family dwelling of two little children, Sally and me.  At least Seuss had the sense to call the woman heading home (from shopping? Gasp!) “mother”.

The Dog in the Blog

None of us wore pink or blue

Our parent’s names are One and Two.

Neither were we girls and boys

We all played with Barbie toys.

No son or daughter, sister, brother

Grandpa, Grandma, dad nor mother.

No one here can rule the house

Parent One nor Two, its spouse

Two little siblings here with me.

No one’s he and no one’s she.

We were never him or her

The differences are all a blur.

Our Parents gave us tots no aunts

For all their siblings wear the pants.

My sibling’s kids are all obese,

But none of them is named DeNiece.

The kitty cried, I thought they’d shoot her,

instead they took her out to neuter.

They took our puppy to be fixed

I guess that means its gender’s mixed.

Are you my daddy? I asked my father

He said be quiet and not to bother

Are you my mother? I asked my mama

Shut up kid, go ask Obama.

Original Poem by David Shedlock (copyright 2011)

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